Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
