grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i would punch a child for taco bell
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
