i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the condom got lost in my hair
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize