Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
