i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she smelled like a LAN party
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
