I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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