I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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