The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
