For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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