One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
