he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
