Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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