She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
