Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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