Plan B is the new Plan A
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
