you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i think im in europe. pls send help
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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