he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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