If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
