How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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