Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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