Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
