You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
