i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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