State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
