Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
