So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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