Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
