All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The Olympian is in my bed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
