just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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