My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
