u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
