I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
