Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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