really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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