if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
