So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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