Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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