Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
