Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
