I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
