i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
