im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My ass is underappreciated
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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