Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
