help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
