I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
