does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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