Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
