I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
