I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize