yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
