The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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