Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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