i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My penis needs a shock collar
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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