the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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