he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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