What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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