Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
