I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
