I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
