im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My life is pants optional.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
