my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
