Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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