who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
