"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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