did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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